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Tue, Sep. 28th, 2004, 09:26 pm

I decided to start this community because I've not been able to find a lj community for RAD. I myself am still very beginner to Reactive Attachment Disorder. I'm a single mother of two boys, 3 and 5, who are both suspected to have RAD to some degree, the youngest having it more severely. A little less that 2 years ago, the boys lost their father to suicide. From there on things got worse for them. Their young mother, being distraught over her young husbands death, became a neglectant mother involved heavily in drugs. Although I did clean myself up, the damage was done, and more was to be done. I met a man with whom I moved myself and the kids across the country to be with. We lived with him for several months, moving province to province, but it took a turn for the worse and I fled with the boys back to my home province. So now, they have further abandoment issues and are feeling no doubt more insecure.

While my oldest is dealing fairly normally, with only a few problems, my youngest son seems to have a severe case of RAD. He is 3 years old, extremely small for his age, does not speak and shows no interest in learning to speak. Instead he whines and cries to get his way. If I offer him something, it doesn't matter what it is, he wants the opposite. He is probably the most defiant child I've ever known.

To anyone who first meets either one of my boys, they will actually be impressed with how well behaved they are, and how cute they act. But as I've learned.. it's part of their manipulation.

My step sisters have RAD. Their mother was and is still a drug abuser. My parents have been dealing with this disorder for several years, and it is very stressful trying to correct this.

I'm hoping that this community will grow to be a useful resource for infomation about RAD, as well as a place for support to those affected in any way by RAD.

Feel free to post stories, links, ask questions, or just say hello. :)

Wed, Sep. 29th, 2004 10:07 pm (UTC)
tigra38: Day to Day

I am the step mother of the 2 girls mentioned in Shamrockkiss' comment. Everyday is a learning experience and after raising three children of my own, of whom the youngest are 19 (twins), I mistakenly thought I knew what I was doing. Everything that works with a "normal" child simply aggravates the situation with RADishs. The unfortunate thing is that this condition is simply not recognized as it should be or isn't seen in the children because they are such masters at manipulation. Masters, that is until they realize that you are on to them. Then the true colours show.

The lying, stealing, defiance, lack of remorse, lack of understanding consequences, artificial affection given to strangers, inability to know how to be a normal child and play with other children, all add up to one extremely stressful existence for those around them. In many cases the child actually ends up making society around them, view us (the parents) as cruel, crazy, abusive and neglectful.

We are in the process at this very moment of getting the ministry of children and families and Mental health involved in getting some therapy for these girls. My heart goes out to them and what they must have gone through but it is the most difficult thing in the world to get close to a child that is so hateful and manipulative, while coming across as adorable and sweet to those who they don't yet know.

Parents and other family members need a place to find support and share thoughts and ideas with each other about handling the issues that arise daily. I think having this community can provide information for those dealing with this and educate those who are fortunate enough to not be dealing with this. They are out there all around you. I hope this generates some interest.

Tue, Feb. 17th, 2009 08:49 am (UTC)
rubiesrnot: RAD kids

Hi Amanda, I'm pretty new to RAD (and livejournal) and I see your post is from quite a time ago. I wondered how things were going with you. I have a 4-on-Thursday boy and a 3-in-May boy who have RAD and quasi-autism. They have been with me for 16 months now. The youngest is much improved but the eldest struggles. The baby (2-in-July) appears to be unaffected. She came to me full time at 3.5 months. I hope things have got better for you.
Good luck,

Oh - I should mention that I haven't actually put anything on my journal about RAD. I'm working up to it. LOL!